Katie and I had only a single day to discern whether our Lord wanted us to accept Miss K into our home.
We had our initial reactions, which differed from one another.
We had an initial talk about it.
We prayed on our own and then together that evening asking our Lord to show us.
We received no illumination, special sign, nor interior insight from God as to which way we should go.
We decided to say yes.
A Robert Frost poem comes to mind...
This situation is the ordinary way in which God works with me (with Katie I think it is a bit different so I will not speak for her). I do not get spiritual visions nor direct words from God. I rarely get feelings one way or the other about something, though in this case my first reaction was elation, which could have happened for different reasons.
Usually we have to make decisions, and I have uncertainty about whether it was what God wanted or not; however, we have to act and do our best using our faith as well as our reason, and then entrust the results of the decision to God.
In the case of Miss K, reasons for saying yes were that she is the boys’ sister and that she is above the age where minority children are easily placed in adoptive homes. Also, we have the means to care for her and know of no special needs that she has which we could not handle.
Reasons for saying no were that Katie is due in a few months and is already working hard to take care of our toddler twins: Could we handle another child while having a newborn and twins, in particular a child who would also need a lot of love and attention, especially at first, as she made a very confusing and difficult transition into our home from the only one she has ever known?
We didn’t make a chart of the pros and cons and mathematically calculate the decision, but we did consider and mentally weigh each of these reasons, along with possible solutions to mitigate the negative ones. Through our faith, we believe in the beauty and dignity of every child as belonging to God, and the honor of welcoming a child into our family, to both enrich it and be enriched by it, is a great good. Wow, and we would get to have a daughter, with dresses and bows and sweetness, and we could rear her in the love of our Lord in the Catholic Faith.
When considering these positive lights from our Faith, the default decision seemed for us to be to say Yes and only to say no if we could find a compelling reason to do so, and we could think of none. So we said yes and now leave the results in God’s hands; if he wants to bring Miss K into our home next week, then we are ready, and if not, may his will be done–he asked only that we be open to receiving her as from himself.
Thank you for your prayers and kind wishes! Please also pray for Katie, who stepped wrong off a curb today and sprained her ankle (there is a small chance it is broken but hopefully not). May Christ bless you.
How do you discern what God’s will is in your life. What part does faith play? What part does reason play?
I’m sure you’ve thought from time to time that faith and reason need not be mutually exclusive, though there are times when I wonder.. I do not, however, think this is one of those times. That being said, it looks like you’re on the right path guided by compassion and love for the children..with a touch of reason. You were given a good head on your shoulders, it would be a disservice to yourself and others to not use it every once-in-a-while.
It’s rarely black or white, Devman; life a mix of all.
Wishing you guys all the best.
-NB
Just ordered the book “What God Wants: A Practical Guide for Making Decisions,” authored by Fr. Mike Scanlon, TOR, former president of Franciscan University of Steubenville. I haven’t started reading it yet, but it does outline 5 main considerations to think/pray about when making decisions, whether small or large. The 5 points address both spiritual and practical considerations. God bless you and your family in this exciting time!
The fruit of peace, I thik, is vital in discerning. For me, peace with a decision is a sign from God that the right decision has been made.
Fr. Mike (from St. Mary’s) once told me that sometimes it isn’t a black or white/ right or wrong type of deal. Sometimes we’re discerning btwn two goods. And while one may be better, choosing the other one doesn’t constitue a bad choice.
Again, peace is a fruit of a good discernment. HTH.
Devin,
You guys are heroes of the faith — real saints. May God bless this little girl through you.
On the pro side, also, you just invested in a larger passenger vehicle!
Peace in Christ,
Tom
God bless you Devin and Katie for sharing your beautiful experiences with us – they are truly inspiring and wonderful… may you continue to glorify Him doing so
The Lord Giveth and Taketh away, and it appears that you are truly surrendering to Him in this amazing decision and what a Joy it is to watch you both struggle in doing so! The Lord smiles, i am sure.
I am reminded by your story of a recent conversation I had with Glen Abrams – we were discussing discerning the Lord’s Will and he reminded me of a story of Mother Theresa. A young visiting priest asked her if she would please pray for him, and specifically requested that she pray that the Lord would make His Will clear to the priest, for he was quite uncertain about certain matters. To this, Mother Theresa responded that she would certainly not pray for that, for the Lord Jesus did not promise clarity but rather asked for faith amidst uncertainty. And so she confirmed that she would pray for the priests’ faith.
God bless you both – i can’t wait to have all our children running around your back yard (or ours) while we watch and chat and enjoy and be grateful… if it be His Will!
I followed the link from Conversion Diary here. And I will certainly pray for your family. We are in the process of becoming a fost-adopt family, sometime in the next few months. Your story is a blessing and encouragement to me in a time where we still have a lot of unknowns. Thanks for sharing you story.