One week ago, I believed the following things about mothering a newborn:
1. My baby would not use a pacifier because plastic in the mouth is not good for anyone; in addition, using a pacifier encourages comfort nursing and, really, nursing should only be for the purpose of eating. Edmund would need to learn to self-soothe without the crutch of a pacifier.
2. My baby would not co-sleep because he needs to learn to sleep on his own.
3. My baby would enjoy periods of quiet wakefulness during which I would encourage free movement of his limbs by placing him on a blanket in a warm sunny spot.
4. My baby would not ingest dyes, sugars, nor artificial flavorings
Yes, dear reader, I have read many books–particularly Montessori in nature–and had definite opinions about how to perfectly parent this brand new Rose baby. And, you are free to giggle at my ideal ideals.
Because, after holding sweet Edmund for four hours on Saturday as he vacillated between whimpering, crying, and screaming, I threw most of my organic Montessori-ness out the window. He was in too much pain for me to worry. Those Mylicon drops are pink (red dye–yikes!) and sweet and smell of strawberry. That pacifier, while shaped for breastfeeding babies and BPA free, is definitely not a natural material. Edmund’s periods of quiet wakefulness total perhaps two hours for his entire first week of life, so he has not had much free movement of his limbs. And, my precious baby sleeping next to me in bed is definitely not in his Moses basket.
I am learning, as I’m sure every other mother in history has, that life is not perfect and that I cannot give my baby perfection, only my very best. I love him with all my flawed and imperfect love and entrust the rest to Our Lord, through the intercession of Our Lady, Model for all mothers and Mother for all babies.
Hi Katie,
We went through a similar experience with our newborn son in ’08. Poor baby – he cried A LOT when we first brought him home. It turns out that my milk hadn’t come in enough to satisfy him. (He was a big guy – about the same size as Edmund!) I would nurse him for long periods of time and then within what I read was an abnormally short period of time, he’d be hungry again. I didn’t think he was hungry because of all the nursing we were doing, but I guess he wasn’t getting much. We took him to the doctor who suggested hunger and formula. Throwing our ideal ideals out the window
, we supplemented with formula. I was able to go back to exclusive nursing eventually, but it helped us all get some sleep, and my little guy’s disposition changed immediately.
Also, we’ve had to use Myelicon, too, and they do make a dye-free version. It’s white, so it is a little difficult to see in the dropper, especially at night. I found that the pink version can stain clothing.
I’m not sure, based on recent posts, if hunger is Edmund’s problem, but I wanted to share that with you just in case.
God bless you and your family!
Katie,
Welcome to the Club of the Instant Humility of Newborn Motherhood!
When I started 18 years ago, I was reading like mad, and I thought I had it all figured out. Seven (and nearly eight) newborns later, I realize that each child has needed different things. Most of mine have used pacifiers, many have co-slept, and all have needed me to be flexible to their individual needs. Sometimes it has been excruciating. (Baby number three wouldn’t suck on a pacifier, but needed my finger to suck on; boy did that make for awkward, painful positions when she was sleeping in a cradle. Eventually, she used her own thumb! I actually have never since offered a baby my finger!)
But it’s all been a great way to become sanctified, and the best thing to remember is: This too shall pass! It really will.
God bless you!
Welcome to newbornhood! I will keep you in my prayers. It seems like you are doing an amazing job already. Using your intuition is truly the best thing you can do. I have found that the only way I gained confidence in my intuition was to be around my newborn all the time. He slept with us in bed from the beginning and we still love it at 11 months old
In doing so, I knew my baby better then anyone else and knew how to respond to him. What I discovered was that babies are dependent because they are babies and that is how God made them. One day they won’t be a baby anymore. That path towards independence is more natural and slow than most people think. That journey is different for each mother and child. Your love for God and the Blessed Mother with surely help you along yours. Congratulations to you and Devin! May the Blessed Mother guide and protect you and your beautiful family under her mantle.
P.S. I love your website! You two are a wonderful inspiration.
The picture of Edmond with the pacifier reminds me of one we have of the twins at a similar age with pacifiers in their mouths propped up by receiving blankets so that the pacifiers would not fall out. Oh, the frustration. It all passes so quickly and the wonderful thing is that WE become easier in the process. As my spiritual director said, when I told him that with the fourth baby I mostly held him and slept with him all the time so that he would be peaceful, “Perhaps you really loved him.” Perhaps. (my word verification is baking First!)
I have often stolen the line (from someone, wish I knew who) that I “did all my best parenting before I had children.”
It sounds to me as if you’re doing beautifully! God bless you and your beautiful family!
Ha! My word verification is waylaid! HA!
Anyway, please don’t beat yourself up about it. As Leila said, we’ve all been humbled by our new babies. It’s tough. The first few months you’re often times truly just trying to make it through. It won’t be long and you’ll learn to understand what each different cry means and what is needed to soothe your baby, well, for the most part.
Will keep you all in my prayers.
BTW – what do Leo, Tobias and Adelle think of sweet baby Edmund?
Dear sister, as a wise woman once told me “there is no right way to parent.” I am glad that you are allowing the wisdom and guidance of others to help easy your discomfort and that of Edmund. It is hard to throw out our big plans and take the advice of others. I remember my big plans with a smile on my face because when I look at my three monkeys, I am so grateful they have made it so far despite my incompetence and lack of patience. They all co-slept for the first few months, had “binkies,” were given formula when hungry, and were picked up when crying most of the time.
Hang in there and give my sweet nephews and niece big kisses from Auntie Courtney. Call me if you ever get a free moment or need reassurance. I love you!!!!
Katie,
This sounds so much like me almost four years ago now. Our firstborn cried and cried and cried and cried. I stuck to my guns and didn’t do a pacifier… mainly because she wasn’t at all interested the few times we tried it. I didn’t discover Mylicon until we’d had months of excruciating late-night gas-induced screams. (I do buy the generic dye-free version though. I loathe that pink dye that stains their clothes.) I also had to radically change my diet, dropping broccoli, cauliflower and most greens– so hard because they are my favorites. That did help some with her gas issues. We also ended up nursing round the clock. Yes, I allowed her to use nursing as a pacifier as I suspect most mothers throughout history have done. I gave up on my idea of co-sleeping because I found I couldn’t sleep with her. (I do often co-sleep with my current one but wish I could just put him in his crib because my stomach is so bruised and sore from his kicking…. and so forth. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all compromise because all those ideals we had before our babies were born are based on a false idea of what motherhood is.
I found that all those parenting books I’d read that told me what my baby should or shouldn’t be doing only served to stress me out and make me doubt myself. Finally I had to learn to consult advice from others but eventually I had to do what seemed to work and trust my instincts. And those instincts have developed a bit now that I’m on the third baby. You have to do what works for your baby and for your family and forget all the experts’ advice.
Be patient with yourself. Pray, pray, pray. Although at 2 am it feels like the world will end if you don’t get some sleep soon, it won’t. One day you will find that things do get better. Like Leila said, motherhood is our path to heaven and is full of crosses, humiliations and trials (that come in really cute packages).
You’ll be in my prayers during my own frequent long nights.
I’ve been reading all over the web about your beautiful family and just wanted to thank you for being such a powerful witness. Talk about being open to life!
I used to be a no-paci mom. I used to be a lot of things. But I’m glad there are some things have changed. Like me. Motherhood definitely is helping me to grow in grace (though I’m always faltering). It’s showing me there are no “rules” to good parenthood. Except love. Cover those little one with lots of kisses, hugs, and prayers, and they’ll be just fine.
Prayers for you and your beautiful family!
Welcome to motherhood. I know you’ve been a mother for the past several months (and God bless you for the road you’ve traveled), but it isn’t quite the same until you’re handed a new (or nearly new)born baby. There’s oh, so many mistakes to make and so many theories to throw out the window. What it comes down to at the end of the day: is the family sleeping (safely), is everyone loved and did you make it through the day. All other “mistakes” can be corrected later. Best wishes and prayers.
Wow it’s like I’m reliving my first few weeks of mommyhood when I read your post! Pacifiers are okay and mylicon can be a sanity(yours and your babies!) saver. It’s amazing how much humility can be learned in a few weeks of new parenthood! God works in amazing and ear-piercing ways occasionally, but because of the He always makes you so much more grateful for the quiet ones.
Enjoy this peiod for even though it is extraordinarily difficult, little Edmund will only be this beautifully tiny sze for a small time. And know always, this too shall pass. You’re doing great!
Have you tried taking him to the chiropractor? My son was so fussy and colicy for months and it seemed like nothing helped. Finally we went to a chiropractor when he was almost 7 months old and he started sleeping so much better. Just a thought. I really wish we had gone months earlier.
Katie, I would never giggle at you. Those books about drove me sick with worry with my first son. Once I gave up the textbook thing we were both so much more peaceful and happy
You’ve already learned the one great lesson of motherhood: that we love them and guide them the best we can and the results are God’s.
God Bless you guys! My children are also adopted (at birth) all of them. I have four in heaven also.