Dear girls, if you are single and feel called to marriage and are waiting for your husband, it’s tough. Devin and I searched for each other for many years, praying and longing, and we desire to offer to each of you what we have learned. My nifty husband has been pounding the message home to single young men, so it’s my turn now to speak to the ladies. Oh, girls, you are so very precious!
The most important aspect of preparing for your husband is becoming the saint Our Lord has made you to be. We covered that one last week in the post, “Why You Need Jesus.” The wonderful thing, however, is that as you become closer to Jesus, you will also become more deeply human. Grace builds on nature, St. Thomas Aquinas tells us, and our humanity is enlivened and made radiant as we cooperate with grace. So, how can we be more deeply human in our feminine ways?
In this edition of The Right Stuff, let’s focus on what you read and watch.
Don’t read things that are “emotional pornography”, namely those works that treat men as objects for our infatuation and gratification. Examples of emotional pornography are Harlequin romance novels and the like, you know, those novels that are often on display near grocery store check-out lines, the ones with half-dressed women swooning in the arms of a very muscled man. The same goes for Cosmo magazine and company, as well as television shows like “Sex and the City” and most romantic comedies. Such movies and books fill the female mind with very unrealistic expectations about men. They steal our focus from the work of knowing the Other (our future husband) and turn what will be the greatest and most difficult friendship of your life into a dreamy mess of infatuated fantasies. You are too smart to get caught up with such deceptive fluff.
I have been repeatedly surprised during the 5 years of my married state to realize that Devin cannot read my mind. He does not think like I do, which is strange because all my friends do. In fact, he is so very different that I have often turned to books to understand him. Good books. These are the right books on which you can spend your time as a single woman. First, Sacred Scripture–Proverbs 31, Song of Solomon, etc. Also, Men Are From Mars, Woman Are From Venus. The works of our beloved John Paul II–Love and Responsibility and Theology of the Body. Edith Stein’s Essays on Woman. Jane Austen’s delightful witticisms. Kimberly Hahn. Wendy Shalit. Dr. Laura. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it is a great start. These books contain authentic facts about the masculine mind and offer realistic expectations for a healthy married relationship. So put a little honey in your tea and sit down for an afternoon of good reading; your future husband is worthy of your time.