Thanks for sharing more about your own story. When I was becoming a Christian (and going to a Baptist church), evolution was a huge deal for me because I believed it all, and it had been a buttress supporting my atheistic beliefs. My Baptist church had a Sunday school class dedicated to debunking evolution pretty much across the board. The answers and arguments made seemed plausible to me then (and still largely do).

Now that I am Catholic, I have realized that the Church gives more latitude in what one can believe about evolution. There is no dogma involved here. The only thing that cannot be held–as you probably know–is that man, including his soul, was the product of mere evolution rather than a special act of God’s creation.

I’m essentially open to the limited view of evolution as occurring on a small scale, genus, species, perhaps even a bit higher up the taxonomy, but I don’t believe in life-from-non-life (abiogenesis), macro-evolution (that all creatures evolved from single-celled organisms), etc. You can hold to a range of beliefs on evolution, including more Baptist-like creationist ones, and no Catholic can tell you that you are going against the Church’s teachings.

God bless!

Anyway, I loved your story, and before I read the rest I wanted to get your take on evolution/creation. You told in your story how “All of my beliefs sought to destroy the sapling: abiogenesis, evolution,…”

Do you maintain those beliefs? In the beginning of your story it seemed you implied evolution gave you a negative view of religion. What are your beliefs as a Catholic? I am struggling with this stuff now as a new Catholic. Catholics are evolutionists by and large, and seem to have little patience for my traditional beliefs on creation. I am really frustrated to be honest. Did you drink the cool-aid when you became Catholic or have you retained your creationist views (assuming you aquired them as a Baptist)?

Thank you for sharing some of what you are enduring at this time. I am praying for you.

The panic attacks scared me to death as well, and the fear of another one happening made me even more anxious than I already was and fed into the cycle–it is really vicious.

I would humbly submit two ideas for your consideration:

1. Do whatever you need to do humanly speaking to find help with your addiction and panic attacks/anxiety (e.g. a GOOD counselor/psychologist–Christian if at all possible, a good treatment program and support group, medicine as necessary, family and friends who love you, and so on.)

2. Continue to ask God to help you and to make all of these human-helps effective, for none will succeed without his grace aiding them. Pray! And keep praying, and don’t give up even if you fall and do something you know is wrong–ask God for forgiveness and help to get up and try again. Read the Bible; go to church; make friends there; ask Jesus to help you know him more and more everyday; He will not fail you!

It took years for me to be healed of my disordered anxieties and other addictions, but God accomplished it in me. I failed many times and fell back into my old evil habits, but every time I asked him to pick me up again and forgive me, and he did. Don’t give up and don’t lose hope.

Christ be with you my friend!

Thank you!
Caressa and Brandy